Last Friday night I was woken by Harry screaming, I ran in and picked him up and he was so hot, I have never known his temperature ever be that high, or any of the others for that matter! I gave him paracetamol and in my bed with just his blanket, I didn’t have the thermometer, I have no idea where it has gone in the move. Saturday I went and bought a new one and checked his temperature straight away and it was 38.5!! So since Saturday he has been having ibuprofen and paracetamol alternated every 2 hours but I couldn’t get his temperature below 38. I knew he was ok and the fever was fighting any infection he may have but Tuesday his temp rose to 39.5 and he wasn’t due any medicine for another hour. Doctors appoinment made and turns out he has an ear infection poor little man. Tuesday adgternoon Declan was also sent home ill from school after being sick in the reception, and Wednesday I was due back in work, I know I only work three half days a week, but when one of my children is ill at home there is nothing I want to do more than to stay home and cuddling them all day and to have to leave them both yesterday (although Declan was perfectly fine) was horrible.
Walking away from them was extra hard, especially as I still hadn’t had a full nights sleep! Harry was still up 3/4 times asking for juice, needing medicine and needing to go to the toilet so I was tired and run down and I just wanted to snuggle my babies and I had to go to work with my game face on! I hate leaving them to go to work anyway, I know don’t work long hours and there are many more people who work a lot more than I do but I really am not ready to give up being a stay at home mum, there are some things that I will never be able to accomplish because I am now a working Mum. There were so many things that I wanted to do, so many things I needed to join in with at the school. I want so badly to be able to do them all again but I no longer can. Last Wednesday (again my first working day) I get a phone call from the school that Lily is ill in school and needed picking up, I had to send her Dad to go and get her and it absolutely killed me that I wasn’t able to go and pick up my poorly little baby girl from school. I couldn’t be the one to hold her hand and give her a cuddle. I know I will miss out on so much now being a single working mum. I know they will end up going to their Dads more and more as he settles down and I know it will get harder and harder missing out on so much of them. Them being ill and me not being able to be there is just the tip of the iceberg, and I am dreading what will come next.
What do you do when your children are ill?
I guess in a way I am lucky enough that when I am working their Dad is looking after them and vice versa, neither of us rely on childcare or others to collect our children so there will always be one of us who will be able to go and get them as soon as possible, we won’t have to argue about who will miss out on work because one of us will have to leave early, one of us will always be there to get them if they are ill, I just wish it could be me all the time. I guess that’s very selfish, I do hate that I will miss out on some things, I don’t think its that I want to be the best parent, I just want to be the same parent I was when I was with their Dad, but I don’t think I will be able to be! That parent could help out at school all of the time whenever, that parent could pick them up 5 days a week from school, that parent could take them to all their clubs, that parent could pick them up when they are ill, and the parent I am now can do none of those things. I can only try and be the best I can possibly be, and if that means having to go to work when they are ill to pay the bills, then that is what I will have to do! But it won’t get any easier! I think we all need to remind ourselves once in a while we are doing a good job with the resources we have!